I've lost touch with what day I'm atand I haven't got much to report. I still struggle up the hill, but not as badly. I don't feel strong and I would like to. I can't say I am enjoying it exactly, but I am really glad I'm doing it because it is so much better for me than not doing it!
9st 5. I'm quite depressed about progress on the weight front, because it matters to me SO MUCH - not the weight, but how I feel in my clothes. I have definitely still got an extra stone on me, so really even 8st 10 is too much, but at least it would be a start and when I'm there I can decide where to go.
What I really want to say is that I haven't got anything interesting to say on the subjects of running or weight loss for the time being, so I will only post on the days where I feel inspired.
Saturday, March 13
Wednesday, March 10
Day 21
Not so cold, grey. What can I say? Still feel better for having gone, though.
9st 5. +2 1/4llbs. Again, what can I say? I'm still doing the right thing, but the time of the month is making it very hard. And I feel like I have nothing positive to say, so I'll say nothing, until this time has passed.
9st 5. +2 1/4llbs. Again, what can I say? I'm still doing the right thing, but the time of the month is making it very hard. And I feel like I have nothing positive to say, so I'll say nothing, until this time has passed.
Tuesday, March 9
Day 20
Half way through! I should feel pleased with myself, but as I said already, I know I'm going to do it now, (bar unforeseen setbacks) so it doesn't seem such an achievement somehow. That's all wrong, but I don't know how to make it right.
God it is so drearily grey and cold. There was no joy today. I have decided to concentrate on trying to run a bit quicker each time.
9st 5 1/2. +2 1/2llbs. Well this is boring, depressing and I don't understand it, but it is a step in the right direction and I just have to do more, I suppose.
Wah!
God it is so drearily grey and cold. There was no joy today. I have decided to concentrate on trying to run a bit quicker each time.
9st 5 1/2. +2 1/2llbs. Well this is boring, depressing and I don't understand it, but it is a step in the right direction and I just have to do more, I suppose.
Wah!
Monday, March 8
Day 19
Another cold but sunny run under my belt. Just as well, because....
9st 6 1/2. +3 3/4llbs. There have been tears.
I really don't understand it. I have continued with smaller portions. There has been no snacking except on veg. True I had a slice of chocolate cake yesterday for Ben's birthday, but I didn't succumb to the intense pressure of scones, cream and jam and I had no supper. I wake up really hungry in the mornings.
So how could this be? What more can I do? I could give in and try and work out points for everything. But what are the points in a slice of home made by someone else's chocolate cake? See? It's impossible. Surely the fact that I replaced a meal with that should be sufficient?
I cannot express how defeated I feel.
9st 6 1/2. +3 3/4llbs. There have been tears.
I really don't understand it. I have continued with smaller portions. There has been no snacking except on veg. True I had a slice of chocolate cake yesterday for Ben's birthday, but I didn't succumb to the intense pressure of scones, cream and jam and I had no supper. I wake up really hungry in the mornings.
So how could this be? What more can I do? I could give in and try and work out points for everything. But what are the points in a slice of home made by someone else's chocolate cake? See? It's impossible. Surely the fact that I replaced a meal with that should be sufficient?
I cannot express how defeated I feel.
Sunday, March 7
Days 17 and 18
Yesterday's run was very cold grey and boring. Today I almost was looking forward to going out. It is still SO cold, but the sunshine makes soooo much difference to how I feel.
9st 4 3/4. +1 1/4llbs. Well I am still being good, so I think that this must be a blip. If I keep up my small portion sizes, then over time I must surely lose weight. I enjoy being hungry at breakfast, although I am so tempted to overeat because I do love my Smythe's granola so!
The only thing that is causing some doubt is that yesterday I made a chicken curry using light coconut milk, which is still very high in saturated fat, so points wise it was probably quite high. Then I had eggs, also high in saturated fat. Oh well, time will tell and I will have to make more adjustments if I'm not losing.
I still don't feel it yet. That would make a difference, too.
9st 4 3/4. +1 1/4llbs. Well I am still being good, so I think that this must be a blip. If I keep up my small portion sizes, then over time I must surely lose weight. I enjoy being hungry at breakfast, although I am so tempted to overeat because I do love my Smythe's granola so!
The only thing that is causing some doubt is that yesterday I made a chicken curry using light coconut milk, which is still very high in saturated fat, so points wise it was probably quite high. Then I had eggs, also high in saturated fat. Oh well, time will tell and I will have to make more adjustments if I'm not losing.
I still don't feel it yet. That would make a difference, too.
Friday, March 5
Day 16
Coming home from the cinema last night it was a freezing cold -2, and I was filled with dread at the thought of my run in the morning. It was made worse by a bad night's sleep and the fact that there was no Tony to encourage me.
I did it though, and it was cold, but so beautiful. On the way back the sun came out, shining its morning pink hue on a front lawn which was studded with little crocuses and sparkling with frost. It was truly lovely. I felt so glad to be out.
9st 41/2. A 1/2 llb over target, but I'm on my way. I know what the difference is, it is commitment. It is the same as my running. As soon as you stop allowing yourself the luxury of going down the 'well, maybe it wouldn't matter if....' road, then it's simple. I was hungry in the night because I only had a small portion of supper, and usually I would tell myself that it was so small I could allow myself a tiny bit more....
Now I've been here before. The difficult part is to keep it up for ever and ever. Like the running, I suppose. Once you are at goal, then you have lost the motivation to keep it up. I'm sure I've read books about this, but I never properly thought about it before. I'm getting ahead of myself, though because I'm not even half way through lent yet.
I did it though, and it was cold, but so beautiful. On the way back the sun came out, shining its morning pink hue on a front lawn which was studded with little crocuses and sparkling with frost. It was truly lovely. I felt so glad to be out.
9st 41/2. A 1/2 llb over target, but I'm on my way. I know what the difference is, it is commitment. It is the same as my running. As soon as you stop allowing yourself the luxury of going down the 'well, maybe it wouldn't matter if....' road, then it's simple. I was hungry in the night because I only had a small portion of supper, and usually I would tell myself that it was so small I could allow myself a tiny bit more....
Now I've been here before. The difficult part is to keep it up for ever and ever. Like the running, I suppose. Once you are at goal, then you have lost the motivation to keep it up. I'm sure I've read books about this, but I never properly thought about it before. I'm getting ahead of myself, though because I'm not even half way through lent yet.
Thursday, March 4
Days 14 and 15
I don't feel the urgency to write any more, mainly I think because I bore myself by obsessing about my weight when it was all supposed to be about the run.
A few thoughts have come up. I know now that, bar injury or some unforseen event, I am going to complete the 40 days. It seemed such a tough challenge at first because in the past I've always allowed myself to indulge in the 'I don't feel like it today' which ultimately results in going less and less, and then not at all. Now I don't even go there and I just do it regardless of how I feel.
What happens when the 40 days is up, though? I know I'm not even half way through yet, but it's pretty much the same as running has always been for me; really tough and uncomfortable, but good when it's over. I certainly don't get a runner's high, but I do feel a certain satisfaction with having visited the outside and gasped in some fresh air. I never feel like I'm becoming a runner. I don't even notice the difference that being slightly fitter makes. I'm not losing weight from it.
So is it really worth it? Where do I go from here? I suppose I wait for the 40 days to pass, because something might shift.
I haven't weighed myself for 2 days now because I've been distracted by leaks and door fitters. I am trying to be good, though, so hopefully tomorrow will bring some good news.
A few thoughts have come up. I know now that, bar injury or some unforseen event, I am going to complete the 40 days. It seemed such a tough challenge at first because in the past I've always allowed myself to indulge in the 'I don't feel like it today' which ultimately results in going less and less, and then not at all. Now I don't even go there and I just do it regardless of how I feel.
What happens when the 40 days is up, though? I know I'm not even half way through yet, but it's pretty much the same as running has always been for me; really tough and uncomfortable, but good when it's over. I certainly don't get a runner's high, but I do feel a certain satisfaction with having visited the outside and gasped in some fresh air. I never feel like I'm becoming a runner. I don't even notice the difference that being slightly fitter makes. I'm not losing weight from it.
So is it really worth it? Where do I go from here? I suppose I wait for the 40 days to pass, because something might shift.
I haven't weighed myself for 2 days now because I've been distracted by leaks and door fitters. I am trying to be good, though, so hopefully tomorrow will bring some good news.
Tuesday, March 2
Day 13
Another beautiful sunny and frosty morning. It is a pleasure to run (down) Bishops Down Park Road with the lovely houses and views. Not so much of a pleasure running up the unmade part of Coniston Avenue! If only I could enjoy that feeling of struggling up hills, I'd be there!
9St 7. Hopeless. I have to start pointing today so that I know what I'm doing. It works, but it's so boring. It's all very well when you buy ready made food and look at the calories and sat fats, but working them out when you do a recipe and then have a random portion is a lot more time consuming, and very difficult sometimes. I don't cook by measuring things exactly and so it would be different each time for the same dish. and it is why I don't stick to it. Often you can't find the points values for foods I use, either.
I'm so bored of soups, that I have decided to turn to salads again. Any interesting ideas anyone?
I must try to drink the obligatory daily 1.5l water. In two days only a small glass has passed my lips!
Lord, it's all so difficult!
9St 7. Hopeless. I have to start pointing today so that I know what I'm doing. It works, but it's so boring. It's all very well when you buy ready made food and look at the calories and sat fats, but working them out when you do a recipe and then have a random portion is a lot more time consuming, and very difficult sometimes. I don't cook by measuring things exactly and so it would be different each time for the same dish. and it is why I don't stick to it. Often you can't find the points values for foods I use, either.
I'm so bored of soups, that I have decided to turn to salads again. Any interesting ideas anyone?
I must try to drink the obligatory daily 1.5l water. In two days only a small glass has passed my lips!
Lord, it's all so difficult!
Monday, March 1
Day 12
Sunny and frosty this morning. I still don't find it easy by any means, but my lungs never feel like they are collapsing any more - they are capable of giving me what I need, although not with ease!
I would like to be able to truly enjoy the run, though, instead of getting through it. I would love for it to be easier still. But would it be as beneficial then?
9st 7 today. I'm just not going there. I'll carry on with what I know I must do, and someday it will be evident.
I would like to be able to truly enjoy the run, though, instead of getting through it. I would love for it to be easier still. But would it be as beneficial then?
9st 7 today. I'm just not going there. I'll carry on with what I know I must do, and someday it will be evident.
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