Very wet run. I am proud that I managed to go, even without Tony being there.
9st 81/4. Heavy night last night, but I don't believe it. If it wasn't for the run I'd be slitting my wrists! I'm still going for target, though, but it's going to be harder.
Sunday, February 28
Saturday, February 27
Day 10 - 1/4 of the way there
Today I concentrated on pretending that I was both looking forward to, and enjoying the whole run instead of dreading it and finding it a struggle, and funnily enough, it was more enjoyable. Some sunshine would be nice - it is so abjectly dreary at the moment.
9st 61/4. Only 1 3/4 measly pounds in 10 days. Looking on the bright side, it's in the right direction and not much denial so far.
Always look on the bright side, Nicky.
9st 61/4. Only 1 3/4 measly pounds in 10 days. Looking on the bright side, it's in the right direction and not much denial so far.
Always look on the bright side, Nicky.
Friday, February 26
Day 9
It is always much easier for me to run when I feel ready to get up in the morning. This morning I was still half asleep as I started, and it was quite hard on my poor, short legs! I wasn't late to bed but the cat woke me up by playing with a cardboard box in the middle of the night.
9st 61/2. After that lovely anniversary lunch yesterday, and after bumping into Sibby and being forced to eat a chocolate rabbit because she'd bought 3 for £1. BAD Sibby!
I can't help fixating on the weight loss, instead of the running which was supposed to be what this was about. I still can't work out how to stop feeling that I am denying myself food, when I have to in order to eat less. Tony said that goals should be empowering because they should be achievable, and suggested changing my goal. He said that I would be pleased if I were 8st 12 in 160 days. It is true, I would be. It is no good reaching my goal sooner so that I can start indulging myself again because by the 160 days I could be back to where I am. Or is it better to reach the goal sooner with some short term denial, and then try and find some longer term goals to keep me on track, and to lose a bit more? Ultimately I feel I would be happy at around 8st 7.
The fact is, though, that I constantly deny myself food. I would definitely eat more nuts and crisps and drink more wine, and a fryup for breakfast every weekend would be nice. I would buy crunchies and chocolate peanuts and have fresh bread and butter and lovely cheese on a regular basis if I were to let myself go.
Mmmmm, more thought needed. Also, more credit to me for doing the running, because I am still on target there, and that isn't easy either. Well done Nicky!
9st 61/2. After that lovely anniversary lunch yesterday, and after bumping into Sibby and being forced to eat a chocolate rabbit because she'd bought 3 for £1. BAD Sibby!
I can't help fixating on the weight loss, instead of the running which was supposed to be what this was about. I still can't work out how to stop feeling that I am denying myself food, when I have to in order to eat less. Tony said that goals should be empowering because they should be achievable, and suggested changing my goal. He said that I would be pleased if I were 8st 12 in 160 days. It is true, I would be. It is no good reaching my goal sooner so that I can start indulging myself again because by the 160 days I could be back to where I am. Or is it better to reach the goal sooner with some short term denial, and then try and find some longer term goals to keep me on track, and to lose a bit more? Ultimately I feel I would be happy at around 8st 7.
The fact is, though, that I constantly deny myself food. I would definitely eat more nuts and crisps and drink more wine, and a fryup for breakfast every weekend would be nice. I would buy crunchies and chocolate peanuts and have fresh bread and butter and lovely cheese on a regular basis if I were to let myself go.
Mmmmm, more thought needed. Also, more credit to me for doing the running, because I am still on target there, and that isn't easy either. Well done Nicky!
Thursday, February 25
Day 8 - 1/5 of the way through
It wasn't raining today and I was awake and ready to go. It is getting less painful, slowly. I was aware today that I'm leaning forward when I run (staggering) and I need to envisage being pulled by a thread from my belly button, which helps to run tall.
It's lovely sitting here, before 8, all dressed and ready to go and with a feather in my cap. It is good to start the day with the feeling of accomplishment. And it is helping me deal with the 9st 71/2 that the scales have thrown at me. At this rate I'll need 160 days to lose my 10 llbs.
Tony did point out, not very sympathetically I thought, that my last night's portion of spaghetti was about 3 times the weightwatcher measure. And I had BREAD with my CREAM of mushroom soup at lunch. It's true. I haven't really denied myself anything yet, except a slice of chocolate cake on Monday!
But isn't this the rub - why must it be about denial? I need to turn it around somehow, so that I don't WANT that huge portion of spag bol, which was, by the way, delicious. How can I desire to eat less of the lovely food I cook? Any (sensible) suggestions?
I'm going to try to eat from a smaller plate, so that I'm more aware of portions.
But today it's Tony's and my 15 year anniversary and we're going out to lunch. It's a treat for God's sake! And, yes, I MUST have wine. His card read "another year of fun", which was very funny!
It's lovely sitting here, before 8, all dressed and ready to go and with a feather in my cap. It is good to start the day with the feeling of accomplishment. And it is helping me deal with the 9st 71/2 that the scales have thrown at me. At this rate I'll need 160 days to lose my 10 llbs.
Tony did point out, not very sympathetically I thought, that my last night's portion of spaghetti was about 3 times the weightwatcher measure. And I had BREAD with my CREAM of mushroom soup at lunch. It's true. I haven't really denied myself anything yet, except a slice of chocolate cake on Monday!
But isn't this the rub - why must it be about denial? I need to turn it around somehow, so that I don't WANT that huge portion of spag bol, which was, by the way, delicious. How can I desire to eat less of the lovely food I cook? Any (sensible) suggestions?
I'm going to try to eat from a smaller plate, so that I'm more aware of portions.
But today it's Tony's and my 15 year anniversary and we're going out to lunch. It's a treat for God's sake! And, yes, I MUST have wine. His card read "another year of fun", which was very funny!
Wednesday, February 24
Day 7 - end of week 1
Today was uncomfortable running, because I needed the loo. Not desperately, but enough not to be able to think of much else. Could this be why my lungs didn't seem to burst as much? I say this very tentatively, but it seemed a little easier today. We ran the course the other way, and I don't think the hills are as steep , so it could be that. It would be nice to report, though, that after a week it is getting easier. I won't say it yet, just in case!
It was very hard to get up and out though. I felt so tired this morning because I stayed up late watching The Big Chill.
9st 63/4 - this all seems too good to be true!
It was very hard to get up and out though. I felt so tired this morning because I stayed up late watching The Big Chill.
9st 63/4 - this all seems too good to be true!
Tuesday, February 23
Day 6
Today I have developed a new way of running. In fact it isn't strictly running, it is really creeping. Rather than slowing right down and taking baby steps up the hill, I try to bend my knees more and extend my legs - like John Cleese.
I faced two of my fears this morning. I passed 2 men (only because they were going downhill) whilst I was creeping up the steepest part of the hill, wheezing for breath - I sound like a steam train - and worse, I didn't manage to overtake a man who was walking up the hill ahead of us.
9st 71/2 - I KNEW it.
I faced two of my fears this morning. I passed 2 men (only because they were going downhill) whilst I was creeping up the steepest part of the hill, wheezing for breath - I sound like a steam train - and worse, I didn't manage to overtake a man who was walking up the hill ahead of us.
9st 71/2 - I KNEW it.
Monday, February 22
Day 5 - not even a week yet!
More rain - which makes the thought of going out more difficult, but is otherwise just a bit wet - and more painful lungs. My legs seemed heavy today, and my lungs bursting. It was harder still. I'm not even looking at times yet. I can only reveal them if they improve, because they really are very sad!
On a brighter note, another day under the belt, and 9st 7. I can't take credit - scale shenanigans!
On a brighter note, another day under the belt, and 9st 7. I can't take credit - scale shenanigans!
Sunday, February 21
Day 4 - 1/10 of the way, but running backwards weight loss-wise
Ran my little course backwards today, which gave a change of scenery. Still painfully gasping for air - I suppose it feels much like having asthma. It was raining but that didn't make much difference, other than it was wet!
9st 83/4 (I was going to lie, because I feel ashamed, but what is the point?!) I can see that this obsession will take over from the running. It just makes me depressed. ALL my jeans are too tight and uncomfortable, so mornings are miserable, trying to find something to wear to disguise the worst. But, then I can stuff myself on nuts and guzzle G&T's and wine without allowing myself so much as a thought to how directly it is linked. It took Tony to remind me as I was tucking into second helpings, and I could have killed him for it.
It is so breathtakingly simple - eat less, exercise more and lose weight - ta daaaah! Why then is the psychology so complicated? Somewhere there is a fundamental shift, like the difference I experienced between giving up smoking, and finally, years later, actually stopping being a smoker.
If I could find the secret to the fundamental shift, then I could make SOOOOO much money.
9st 83/4 (I was going to lie, because I feel ashamed, but what is the point?!) I can see that this obsession will take over from the running. It just makes me depressed. ALL my jeans are too tight and uncomfortable, so mornings are miserable, trying to find something to wear to disguise the worst. But, then I can stuff myself on nuts and guzzle G&T's and wine without allowing myself so much as a thought to how directly it is linked. It took Tony to remind me as I was tucking into second helpings, and I could have killed him for it.
It is so breathtakingly simple - eat less, exercise more and lose weight - ta daaaah! Why then is the psychology so complicated? Somewhere there is a fundamental shift, like the difference I experienced between giving up smoking, and finally, years later, actually stopping being a smoker.
If I could find the secret to the fundamental shift, then I could make SOOOOO much money.
Saturday, February 20
Day 3
On the upside: a beautiful, bright, sunny and frosty morning, and another run under my belt.
On the downside: pain, bursting lungs, and wine, home made nutella and ice cream last night!
On the downside: pain, bursting lungs, and wine, home made nutella and ice cream last night!
Friday, February 19
Day 2 out of 38
Such a long way to go! More of the same. It still hurts. I really think that my years of smoking have badly damaged my lungs. I just can't breathe in enough air.
I have weighed myself today, because it would be lovely if this running could contribute towards some weight loss - blobby fat losss, to be more specific.
9st 8, which is pretty heavy for me. I would normally start to do something about it at this stage which would result in a 2lb loss before I lost all motivation. It would be ideal to lose a whole stone. In actual fact it would be just about possible in 40 days, but now I feel like I'm overloading myself with things to achieve during lent and I don't want to end up a failure!
Shall I make that another goal? OK I shall, but not the whole stone, 10 lbs would make me happy.
I have weighed myself today, because it would be lovely if this running could contribute towards some weight loss - blobby fat losss, to be more specific.
9st 8, which is pretty heavy for me. I would normally start to do something about it at this stage which would result in a 2lb loss before I lost all motivation. It would be ideal to lose a whole stone. In actual fact it would be just about possible in 40 days, but now I feel like I'm overloading myself with things to achieve during lent and I don't want to end up a failure!
Shall I make that another goal? OK I shall, but not the whole stone, 10 lbs would make me happy.
Thursday, February 18
God it hurts
I have decided to run just over a mile for every single day of lent (except the first, because I hadn't thought of it then!)
Today Caitlin joined Tony and I but she was in a bad mood, which was made much worse by the fact that she tripped and went flying, grazing her knee and elbow. We made her finish the run, though, and by the time she had, her mood had improved and she had got over the misery that could so easily have lasted all day.
She did upset me by walking alongside me and overtaking me as I was struggling up the hill. I am SO awfully hopeless, and it HURTS every single cell of my body, and I feel so COMPLETELY inadequate, and yes, I could very easily walk it faster. So why run it? Why put myself through the misery? Because, I so very hope that one day I will actually be able to run, and enjoy it, because it is without doubt, the easiest way to get your heart beating fast.
At least at the end of this 40 days I will be able to see if there is a point, and what exactly it is.
Today Caitlin joined Tony and I but she was in a bad mood, which was made much worse by the fact that she tripped and went flying, grazing her knee and elbow. We made her finish the run, though, and by the time she had, her mood had improved and she had got over the misery that could so easily have lasted all day.
She did upset me by walking alongside me and overtaking me as I was struggling up the hill. I am SO awfully hopeless, and it HURTS every single cell of my body, and I feel so COMPLETELY inadequate, and yes, I could very easily walk it faster. So why run it? Why put myself through the misery? Because, I so very hope that one day I will actually be able to run, and enjoy it, because it is without doubt, the easiest way to get your heart beating fast.
At least at the end of this 40 days I will be able to see if there is a point, and what exactly it is.
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